My De/Conversion Story 9: I dreamed a dream.

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Towards the end of my two years away from home, I began to really take time to detox. No more weed, cigarettes, or beer. No more women, liquor, or strange occult practices. This is where my Faith begin to morph and expand.

I was back to reading, praying, and fasting with every spare moment I had. Honestly, the things I was doing were never fulfilling. A believer would say, ‘sin never is’. I could probably tie all those things to depression in some way.

I’ve told alot about my inner struggles and it must be hard to believe that I was the Believer I claimed to be. I truly did have a firm grasp on the bible and did have a very spiritual life. My relationship with God was very love-and-hate like. But at the end of the day, no matter how many times I stepped out on him, I always came back to my “first love”.

Seeing Jesus more clearly.

Prior to leaving home for two years, I started to realize something about Jesus that is hard for your typical Christian to understand(although now I see a growing awareness). Jesus was Jewish and lived by the Torah in his lifetime.

Christians would say he came to do away with the Law but because I was reading the Bible so much and so repetitively, I came to notice and recognize such was not the case at all. In fact, that isn’t taught anywhere in the Bible despite pop-Christian belief.

The Ten Commandments were still to be observed. I wrestled with that some, but going through the Ten Commandments, I couldn’t find any reason why those would be nailed to the cross. It’s still wrong to steal, kill, and cheat on your spouse. That’s not something you’d wanna do away with.

Christians really don’t believe the 4th commandment still applies. They believe they can make their own Sabbath day or they spiritualize the command altogether to no effect. No where in the Bible will you see anyone teaching or condoning that.

Getting to the root.

I knew that contemporary Christianity was off the mark when it came to some of its teachings versus what the Bible did say plainly. But it was the issue of Law that Christians go way left on.

I began studying the Old Testament more in those days and came to some conclusions about the Faith. Basically, I realized I was guilty of practicing a watered down, westernized version of the Faith. I felt like that was the reason I couldn’t find a fellowship that resembled anything like I was reading in the New Testament.

Christianity has always been an offshoot of Judaism. But its gone so far from its roots of origin that its a whole ‘nother tree in itself: going back to Catholicism and Orthodox traditions and even the time of Constantine. Judaism(for the sake of discussion) is the Olive Tree but Christianity produces fruit unlike olives.

The dream.

I probably recorded the dream in detail in my journal but I’ll convey what I remember from memory:

I was back in my old neighborhood where my family lived. I had a close up overhead view of the streets, houses, and blocks. Out of nowhere, there were people with their heads covered in cloths that were white and fell past the shoulders. There were no holes for their eyes or mouths; their heads were completely covered.

Out from under the cloths liquid just poured out. There were many of them throughout the neighborhood. The liquid was white like milk and I understood it to be such.

This is all I remember.

Time to go back home.

After that dream, a day came where I got a call from my mom out the blue. She told me she was losing vision in one of her eyes. She had been a diabetic for just a few years and it seems this was one of the affects.

Things weren’t going good where I was and I had exhausted all my resources. I didn’t know if my mom was going to lose her sight completely, so I made the decision to go back.

It wasn’t an easy decision because my whole purpose for moving was to be with my sons but I lived in a different town from them and only saw them when their mom brought them over which was less than a handful of times. I could barely support them and myself making $8.50 an hour.

It was a tough decision to make but I had to cut my losses. I hung in there for two years but it was definitely time to go. I sold what I could and jumped on the greyhound back home.

Although I didn’t understand the dream then, considering my circumstances, I took it as confirmation that I needed to go home.

What about you?

How do you feel about dreams? Do you think they’re messages to us from the other side? Do dreams mean anything at all or have some scientific explanation?

I know this topic can get a little weird and I don’t want to turn it into an episode of “It’s Supernatural!” But it can be a fun topic to muse about.

So, if possible like, subscribe, and share these posts. We’re reaching the climax and still there is more to share after that! Much thanks to you all.

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